Today I took a PIYO class at my gym. For those of you who don't know what PIYO is, it is a combination of Pilates and Yoga, or a sado-masochistic nightmare. Let me share with you my experience.
I was talked into this by a former personal trainer of mine. She said "come on, try it. I love it and you will too. It isn't boring, the instructor moves the class along. It is WONDERFUL!" I should have known - Barb weighs about 98 pounds, soaking wet with a full pack on. She is also an Ironman Triathelete. I was in for trouble!
I brought my mat and my water and prepared for an hour of PIYO. Mistake number one - did the stair machine before coming to class. Mistake number two- wearing socks - slipped all over mat, they came off quick. Mistake number three - looking around class and seeing I was probably the biggest person there, and I do not mean tallest. Mistake number four - not turning around and walking out the door while I had the chance.
As I unrolled my mat in the back of the class, away from all the full wall mirrors that let you see EVERY flaw in your body, Barb brought me a cheat block and a set of weights. She said I might need one or the other or both. Yippee!
In walks the instructor. She is an amazing aquasize instructor and I like her classes because they move along and are challenging. I actually break a sweat in the pool. BUT, this is on land, and this whale does much better where I weigh one fifteenth of my body weight - in the water. Ugh.
First we stretch. Not so bad. I can do this. It is quick, by Yoga standards. Fairly painless, and I can still breathe. Three minutes in this all changed. It was like dancing the jitterbug with only one leg and a full measure behind the music. Because I am fairly unfamiliar with Yoga poses and completely unfamiliar with any kind of Pilates, I needed to watch the instructor then contort my body then look again to make sure I had it correctly - which by that point she was doing something else, then try again to catch up. Lets just say an onlooker would have been highly amused. Downward facing dog, now press down into plank, now monkey ankles and up to downward facing dog, now down to plank, monkey ankles, now left knee forward now hold! Now monkey ankles and right knee forward, back, forward, hold! Now push back to downward facing dog, walk to forward extension and rollup to namaste. Thank God, a chance to breathe - but no, we are here for two counts now back to downward facing dog, now plank, now monkey ankles - you get the picture - Are You Freakin Kidding Me?
Finally we got to go into extended child pose - I like this pose - It is basically a chance to hide your face on the mat and cry your tears privately before getting up and doing it all again.
At one point we were laying on our bellies, arms in front of us, legs behind us, doing the swim. This was ok, until she said hold for a count of three breaths. Three... ... ... ... ... ... SERIOUSLY? Two... ... ... ... ... Okay Now. One... ... ... .... I had no choice at this point I had to say something - "Instructor," I said, "I breathe faster than you!" I would die, either from holding the freaking pose, or from lack of oxygen if I slowed my breathing that much.
Then we threaded the needle- this is the first time physically my body said "you want me to do what?" I figured it out, but it was definately not a normal body position. Once you tie your body in a knot it is imperative that you have the correct position so you can untie yourself without injury. Needless to say, I was able to untie because I am sitting at my computer. Also, I did not die, as you can tell from the same reason, I am up sitting at my computer!
So, if I can walk tomorrow, I might take this class again next week!
